Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Decisions

So I promise to update more often!
 
Since I am at home now and have nothing to do except take care of Ellie, and try to make this place look semi normal (doesnt always happen, Ellie likes to take up all my time and attention)
 
Today, I almost started feeling a little normal again.
So to be honest I have been having a hard time with my emotions, which I know is normal, but I have dealt with anxiety most of my life. After Zach and I got married I chose to stop taking medication because I just didnt like the way it made me feel, and I just never wanted to be "medicated" it just wasnt for me. I dont really believe in homeopathic methods or talking to a counselor about things, that just wasnt for me either. I usually just cry and talk to my mom and she usually just tells me how it is and that usually snaps me back.. usually. haha
But after having a baby, everything changes, I cant really afford to get into a funk because little Miss Ellie needs me to be the best mommy I can be!
So I made some really rough decisions for me, but it was a decision that was going to be best FOR ME. So I really have to remind myself that it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks! 
I started feeding her out of a bottle about a week ago from milk that I have pumped, but I just felt like I really couldnt keep up, and I was just so overwhelmed!
So after a while of feeling really bad, and overwhelmed, we made a decision as a family to start feeding her formula. It was a really hard decision to make, but I feel like for my sanity it is whats best. So I emailed my doctor on what to do from here and he emailed me back, and at the end of the email he left a little message that made me feel lots better. (reason why I love this doctor and I am going to be so sad to leave this office behind...) it said.. " By the way: Its okay. Your baby can still go to Harvard without being breastfed. :-) Have a great day."  Seriously made my day, he could tell I needed some reassurance and I was extremely grateful for that!
 
She has been doing really well with it. Little cranky, but thats to be expected, its a change for her. But she is so good, and too cute, so its all worth it. Its a little painful for me, but I am getting through it. Hopefully the pain doesnt last too long.
 
oh, and she has started to smile!!
she will be 5 weeks tomorrow.
: ) love her
 
  

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Miss Ellie Brooke

I guess I have been slacking a little in the fact that I haven't really posted anything about the birth of my little sweetie girl!

Well it all started at my 37 week appointment. Which you can read about in my previous post.which led to bed rest (which was no fun at all) but then led to getting induced a two weeks early.

So Zach and I called the hospital at 5:30 in the morning of the 4th and they told us to come in at 6:30. So we quickly ate breakfast and packed all of our things, and left our apartment for the last time as just the two of us. We took the very chilly 5 min car ride to the hospital and talked about how weird it was going to be when we go back to our apartment, because it wont just be the two of us.

It was pretty quite at the delivery unit which is kind of crazy because I always hear how busy it is there/ (lots of babies being born here in rexburg!!!) We checked in, got into our room, changed into the beautiful gown, and got things started!!!

At that point I was getting pretty nervous for the things to come. By 7:30 I was hooked up to my IV, started the pitocin, and a magnesium drip (because I had pre eclampsia) and then soon after the doctor came in and broke my water... which let me tell you was a trip, it seriously felt like I was going to the bathroom and couldnt control it! It was so weird. It didnt take long for the contractions to start! They were pretty intense, which I hear in pretty common when put on pitocin. But I felt like I handled them pretty well... which is saying a lot, because lets be honest here, Im kind of a baby. The doctor had strongly encouraged me to have an epidural because of all the pelvic pain I had during my pregnancy. So I knew eventually I would have some relief.
It didnt really take too long before I was ready for it, I got checked and was told I had to have a colt test to make sure my blood would clot so it was safe to get an epidural. I passed (thank goodness) and then got the wonderful epidural. It was kind of nerve wrecking to sit there during some pretty intense contractions and try not to move!
It started to kick in quickly but had a hard time getting both legs, so I waited and the contractions began to soften and it was such a heavenly feeling.

Then things slightly took a turn for the worse.. My epidural started to wear off.. I had so much adrenaline running in my body that I was constantly getting the shakes and then my contractions began to make my whole body feel like it was freaking out, and then the pain came back very quickly! So the nurses called back up the anesthesiologist who the gave me another shot of meds. I seriously couldn't have been more thankful to see anyone ever in my life! After that I couldn't feel anything from the waist down and contractions just felt like pressure.
It didn't take long till the nurses were back to check me again, and good thing too because in the span of about 50 min I went from a four to a ten and it was time to start pushing.

I had such good luck that day because not only did I have my normal nurse but I had a new nurse to the baby unit and a Byu Idaho student in the nursing program about to graduate with me as well. It was so nice to have so much help and support!
So when it was time to start pushing the student nurse and Zach had to help me because I had no feeling in my legs at all and couldn't lift them up. It was seriously a crazy feeling. I thought this would be the hardest part of the whole thing, but honestly I believe it was the easiest. I couldn't feel anything but pressure, and I only had to push for less then an hour. They barely had time to call the doctor, and when he did come in and I was in the position to deliver he only had time to put his robe on before she came out. I didn't even push, she came out with the contraction to a glove less doctor! After that I think I was in more shock than anything else. They laid her on my chest and I just remember looking at Zach and kind of thinking, this is her?! This is real?! But after that things got really fuzzy. The doctor had started to finish things up and I started feeling very warm and flushed and I really didn't know what was going on. They took her off of me because they wee afraid I would drop her, and the next thing I know I have an oxygen mask on and they are giving me a shot and my doctor is working some more. At the time we really didn't know how bad the situation was, but I'm very grateful my doctor kept it a bit under wraps because I definitely feel like I would have freaked out a lot more if I would have known. A few days later we found out I lost a considerable amount of blood and the doctor was having trouble figuring out how to stop it, scary I know! The whole ordeal forced me to stay in the hospital longer than normal. I ended up being stuck in bed for almost a day and a half hooked up to all kinds of stuff and being closely monitored in case I would need a blood transfusion. So on Saturday after our visitors arrived (mom and gram), and I made it around the hall way of the baby and mom unit without passing out, I was able to go home!

To make the next few weeks story a little shorter I will just skip most of the lovely details.. but it was rough... I had a really hard time feeling normal again from the loss of the blood. Miss Ellie is a great baby and I dont know what I would have done without all the help from our families!!

Now we are slowly getting back into the swing of things, and trying to figure out this new life we have together. She is still doing really well!

As of right now she will be 5 weeks on Thursday! I cant believe its been that long already. I already have forgotten what it feels like to be pregnant! Its so weird!

-She loves her Dad and is always really good for him! Well with the exception that he always seems to get the really bad diapers! (Sorry Zach!)
-She hates to have her arms swaddled and they are usually always up by her face.
-She is grunty and snorty all the time! And has to sleep in the other room because of it! thanks goodness for baby monitors!
- She loves to be patted on the back and thats usually how she falls asleep.
- She eats out of a bottle like a champ, but doesnt take a Binky that much.
- She loves to be in the water in her bath, but hates getting out!
-She blows bubbles with her mouth when she is sleeping.
-She is the bestest little girl ever, and we love her so much!!!

 
 
 
Leaving the hospital!
 
Rarely wears head bands because she gets really mad!
 
Happy Halloween
 
shes kind of little : )
 
 
Didnt want to get out of the bath!
 
yesterday!

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