So I promise to update more often!
Since I am at home now and have nothing to do except take care of Ellie, and try to make this place look semi normal (doesnt always happen, Ellie likes to take up all my time and attention)
Today, I almost started feeling a little normal again.
So to be honest I have been having a hard time with my emotions, which I know is normal, but I have dealt with anxiety most of my life. After Zach and I got married I chose to stop taking medication because I just didnt like the way it made me feel, and I just never wanted to be "medicated" it just wasnt for me. I dont really believe in homeopathic methods or talking to a counselor about things, that just wasnt for me either. I usually just cry and talk to my mom and she usually just tells me how it is and that usually snaps me back.. usually. haha
But after having a baby, everything changes, I cant really afford to get into a funk because little Miss Ellie needs me to be the best mommy I can be!
So I made some really rough decisions for me, but it was a decision that was going to be best FOR ME. So I really have to remind myself that it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks!
I started feeding her out of a bottle about a week ago from milk that I have pumped, but I just felt like I really couldnt keep up, and I was just so overwhelmed!
So after a while of feeling really bad, and overwhelmed, we made a decision as a family to start feeding her formula. It was a really hard decision to make, but I feel like for my sanity it is whats best. So I emailed my doctor on what to do from here and he emailed me back, and at the end of the email he left a little message that made me feel lots better. (reason why I love this doctor and I am going to be so sad to leave this office behind...) it said.. " By the way: Its okay. Your baby can still go to Harvard without being breastfed. :-) Have a great day." Seriously made my day, he could tell I needed some reassurance and I was extremely grateful for that!
She has been doing really well with it. Little cranky, but thats to be expected, its a change for her. But she is so good, and too cute, so its all worth it. Its a little painful for me, but I am getting through it. Hopefully the pain doesnt last too long.
oh, and she has started to smile!!
she will be 5 weeks tomorrow.
: ) love her
kylea....hang in there. when i was pregnant i told everyone my plan was to breastfeed, but if i had to formula feed it would be okay. And then I had her. My Grandpa Died, and after 1 week of her being alive my relief society was packing up my apartment , my home, so we could be with family and move to california. I had a ton of emotions going on. And trying to be a Mom as my #1. Breastfeeding was way hard for me, and it was harder then i thought to decide to formula feed. I was a mess. Feeling not Mom enough. Feeling like it would harm Millie. Scott kept telling me what i told everyone when I was pregnant and we switched. (best decision ever for my sanity and milie's) And she is just as healthy as breast fed babies. I was forumla fed too. We do all turn out just fine. And now for all my other babies we will formula feed, for my sanity and there's. It is a hard choice, but sometimes it's a great one. Anytime you need to vent or ask advice, I am no expert, but you can message me girl! Good job at being a mommy!
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